Today, it's not okay to pick out any people group to disrespect and devalue. Though the wording is overused, the basic premise is correct. We should respect all people. Really? Then why is it okay to poke fun at aging women? Can we just put an end to that!

Making my morning trek to the gym, a new billboard caught my eye. What first got my attention was the face of a beautiful queenager looking down at me from the screen. Then my eyes went to the large angry letters above her head. LUMPY. OLD. WORN. They were trying to sell mattresses and thought it fine to do so by degrading the integrity of this beautiful face in all her glorious humanity. How many people pass that billboard and think nothing of it-or worse, that it is appropriate and even funny? Why is it acceptable at all?

Women in Western Culture

Unfortunately, it is in fact acceptable in western culture. It's called ageism, or more to the point gender ageism. Consider the birthday cards and TV commercials and office stories you've seen and heard where, like the billboard, queenagers suffered the brunt of the joke. Did you pause to question them? Did they bother you at all? Or have you, like much of society, become accustomed to "harmless" rips on aging women? I suspect few would understand the rage I felt at the very real insult to my generation, my fellow queenagers. I am rereading Buettner's work about the Blue Zones so I'm probably especially sensitive after perusing page after page of healthy, strong, and beautiful queenagers. Uh, from other cultures. Places where they are venerated and valued and afforded strong generational support without a hint of gender ageism. Places where their contributions to family and community are recognized and even expected and appreciated, even as centenarians. Places where wrinkles and sagging bodies and graying hair are not fodder for ridicule. Unlike western culture, where physical signs of aging are viewed with distaste and disgust and tend to be avoided and hidden at best.

Clearly, this situation begins early for women where we are taught to use attractiveness as a playing card, to build social equity off our looks. Like it or not, beauty is one of the main currencies women use to gain social status. Then because our culture unquestionably defines beauty in terms of youthfulness, women face overwhelming hurdles as we age. It would seem a never-ending, albeit losing battle. How much money, grief, and pain is spent on risky remedies and questionable practices in effort to regain youth-not to make the most of where we are in life, but a conscious effort to change age! Not to be the best we can be, but to go back to a younger, by definition, a more attractive age! While I get it, I don't want to be beautiful "for" my age. I want to be beautiful "at" my age. And who gets to define that? ME! I'm not looking to Vogue or Cosmopolitan or some young starlet to tell me. I'm looking in the mirror aiming to meet my definition of beautiful in accordance with my values. Yep, this is me doing me!

Appearance Matters

So, does appearance matter? Of course it does. At every age. Both personally and socially. Humans tend to make judgements about other humans and often jump to quick assumptions based on appearance. Knowing that, it just make sense we want to always put our best foot-er, face--forward. (Yes, I am that woman who puts on full make-up to go to the gym. No pajamas at Walmart for me!) Personally, appearance has to do with body image which plays a major role in our sense of self. Women who internalize the notion of aging as decay, decline, and degradation of beauty are destined to suffer in terms of well-being and quality of life. Rather, creating solid beauty habits as we age ought to be viewed as vital investments in satisfaction with life. Socially, you might have missed out on the Prom Queen role, but you can score big time as the Prime Queen!

Is it healthy to want to look attractive. Indeed. But as queenagers we must be careful how we define attractive. Trying to fit the definition of beauty as youth can only result in dissatisfaction at best and clinical depression perhaps. Gravity will win after all. Ravages of stress and life experiences will take their toll. I think the serenity prayer is appropriate here: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference." Emphasis here on the last phrase; wisdom to know the difference. That's a personal wisdom as each of us gets to make that call! Queenagers engage in some beauty practices that help us feel more beautiful, more feminine, and actually increase self-esteem to free up our creative self-expression. On the other hand, some efforts to be attractive only feed into the warped cultural definition of beauty and are bound to fail. Examine your motives. Know what is important to you no matter what society says. And no matter how many birthdays you've counted! You do you!

Let the Cultural Revolution Start with Me!

How do we change the faulty ideas western culture has about aging women? That will be no easy task. There will be more billboards and more evidence of pure and evil gender ageism. Here's how one learned queenager put it: "No less than a cultural revolution may be necessary to change the way women are treated in older age." (Clarke, see below). Like many of you I suspect, I was part of the cultural revolution of the 60s and 70s that tried to change how women are viewed in this culture. Although there has certainly been some impact, I'm not at all sure that effort made its way to queenaged years. Taking a page from that era, we can begin by supporting our sisters when the battle gets hot. Burning bras was a community event as I recall and nowhere now should we be caught disrespecting the efforts of other queenagers to be beautiful! There's no shortage of beauty; plenty to go around to all.

How can we change the culture in favor of aging women? We certainly need to explore that question more and share what we learn with each other. I know, like most revolutions, it will be won one person, one woman, one queenager at a time. Begin by striving to be healthy, strong, and beautiful every day. No matter what your age. Choose to compete only with yourself. Resolve to be better today than your were yesterday-whatever that means to you! And certainly, don't be swayed by the cultural definition of beauty. You do you!

In conclusion...

Ironically, I am writing this on International Women's Day. A day we celebrate social, economic, cultural, and political achievements of women. I have searched and searched to learn all I can about this special day and try as I might, I cannot find an age limitation; a time when this day no longer applies to a woman. There is no age cut-off. No age where women quit contributing. Nowhere do I see age as the sole indicator for ability, attractiveness, or awareness. No magic number where health, strength, and beauty no longer matter! No age where it is okay to undervalue women. Can we just stop it!

Resources:

Buettner, D. (2023). The Blue Zones: Secrets for Living Longer. Lessons from the Healthiest Places on Earth. National Geographic.

Clarke, L.H. (2018). Women, aging, and beauty culture: Navigating the social perils of looking old. Journal of the American Society on Aging, 41(4), 104-108.