I am constantly reminded of my societal responsibility to "age gracefully." I'm not exactly sure what that means, but it sounds like I have zero control over this process. No say-so, No choices. Kinda like "get in line and wait on your turn to step off the cliff." But I have another idea about that! I intend to age purposefully.

Oh, I get it. "Growing old" can indeed be a scary thing. After all, you've never done it before. Filled with loss, and change, and great potential for loneliness and depression. There are physical changes we can't prevent in the long term. (I can't figure out how to stay out of the gravity for example.) And in the US we don't revere our elders; our wisdom is not respected and our guidance is not generally valued. We are even considered a hindrance and a burden at some point. Aging is counted as disease and decline and degradation. The stereotypical older adult is frail, forgetful, can't drive a car, slow, always sick, and can't learn anything new. Okay, that's enough of that.

What then is the real picture of aging? And we need to get this right. I read that every day 10,000 people in the US will turn 75 for the next 15 or so years! It's been called a silver tsunami. The World Health Organization can't tell us; most of what you read there comes from the medical model (and don't get me started). Ditto the CDC. There are lots of theories related to aging, but we've never lived this healthy this long, so we are struggling to build an appropriate model. I do like a 1997 definition I read that describes healthy aging as avoidance of disease and disability, maintenance of physical and cognitive functioning, and sustained engagement in social and productive activities (see Resource below if you'd like to read about this). At least that gives us a place to start! And I have some ideas!

Celebrate each new birthday.

Of course you have to consider the alternative to having a lot of birthdays. As one writer said, "You're still on the right side of the grass." But I don't have to continually count the loss. In fact, let's count the gains. Freedom. So many things I don't "have to do" because society said I did. Okay, I'll admit it, I will on a rare occasion pull the age card. I don't have to sit in the hot sun at the beach; I can opt to stay inside and finish my book! I'm simply not cooking today. I absolutely will take that nap-right here in this recliner if I want! Not clocking in-there's that! And there's a simple softness and lightness that comes with age. Things just don't seem so serious. "This too will pass" kinda attitude. And I really don't care what people have to say about me. Really. I'm doing me! We have choices now that didn't seem available at a younger age.

Yes, each birthday brings new challenges and obstacles. But I choose to see them as opportunities. What new experiences can I have this year? Yeah, I have a bucket list that needs attention! I'm going to look up some old friends I haven't seen in years and get them back into my life. And I will figure out how I'm going to incorporate the losses of the past year into this new year. There will be missing people, but there are also new ones and continuing ones that need attention! And there will be jubilation and celebration savored in ways I didn't dare permit in my youth. You know, you get that, dear queen-ager!

Don't go along to get along.

Okay, I didn't do that when I was a teenager and I'm not going to do it as a queen-ager! Let that rebel spirit come alive. I don't exactly mean fight getting older-that's a losing battle-but don't do it like our culture tells us! In fact, I'll go a bit further. Yes we've been schooled aplenty in shortened telomeres and general DNA destruction, but there are strategies you can use to change that or at least postpone it. Those genes are there, but you have a little say in their expression! Plan now to be healthy and strong, and therefore beautiful, all the rest of the way. Think about this in terms of healthspan not lifespan: the number of years you have free of disease and with a zest for life. As Erikson would put it, integrity and not despair.

I'm getting up every morning with just that purpose in mind. Is this gym day? How many miles do I need to get my cardio in? What am I going to write today? Gotta keep that mind engaged. Do I have a lunch date today? And if I don't, well, why not! Whatever else that comes along in my life I am prioritizing health, strength, and beauty! Because when I have that I can share it! I want you to have that too! And all my queen-aged friends.

Grow your circle of friends

Study after study has validated the importance of maintaining relationships in the next third. Good relationships are known to keep us happy and healthier. Humans are social creatures and not meant to go it alone. Participation in groups, having a partner, and belonging to a faith organization all have been associated with longevity. Simply being able to name friends strengthens cognitive performance and improves mental health. Sharing and caring are vital to human development and being close to a friend can actually decrease the hormone called cortisol which mediates stress.

Here it seems like the smallest bit of effort then would reap great benefits. Go out of your way to be a friend. Recognize that other queen-agers are going through the same changes as you and share the load! I spent last weekend with my best friend of 40 years. We traveled to another state in my Jeep, had the best burger in town and then ice cream on the porch of an old farm. I hope you have that friend and if not, find her!

In conclusion...

Recently Harvard scientists have described a group of people they call super-agers. The term refers to people in their 70s and 80s and beyond who test into much younger age groups. They have the mental and physical capabilities of decades' younger people. Super-agers have chosen a better way to age. To push their physical limits with fitness and strength training and simply moving in natural ways. To challenge themselves with cognitive tasks that others give up on. They run, they live, they befriend, they study and learn, they thrive with purpose! The overall defining characteristic of super-agers? They keep moving out of their comfort zone to push toward new areas of expertise. What would that look like for you?

I hope you are able to shift your beliefs about growing old. Find your purpose in life at the age you are! Participate in life. Say yes to life and love and forever friendships. Believe you are worthy of a fulfilling life at every age. Be successful at this thing we call aging. Make health, strength, and beauty be a part of your plan for purposeful aging. And take your friend along for the ride!

Resource:
Rowe, J. W., & Kahn, R.L. (1997). Successful aging. The Gerontologist, 37(4), 433-440.